Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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