I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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