Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
