What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
