tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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