she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
