we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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