I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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