Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
