I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
