A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
