Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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