life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
