hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
