when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
