she was so not down for the gang bang
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
