i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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