Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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