Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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