he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
