Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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