ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
