So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
