Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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