took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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