if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
