awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
