how can u be prego again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
