I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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