i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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