Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
