soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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