garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
