her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
