Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
