the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
