i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
zippers are such a cool invention
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sarcasm needs its own font
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
