I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
