Whod you bang
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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