I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
