While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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