the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
