Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
