I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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