Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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