marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
