and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
