Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
