I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
