I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
