Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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