I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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