Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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