i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
