the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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