Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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