pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So vagazzling was a success
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
