I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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