walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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