Your tits are I can't wait for
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
