it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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