I just pynch a tree in the face
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
