the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
