why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
