Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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