call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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