This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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