I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
