Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
