Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
