Please, let me fuck your mom
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
