the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
