Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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